Monday, January 16, 2012

This is how scary movies are made

My situation this morning is what people make movies from. Scary movies, that is. Dude, if you don't find a new blog by next Monday, or if you don't notice me on Twitter or Facebook or LinkedIn or BBM, it might very well be because I got murdered in the lecture hall. Olsenhauserstraße 75. And my bet is, it was the janitor lady who murdered me. 

I was the ONLY ONE at the bus stop at 7:27 a.m., and there are always more than 20 people waiting with me. There were less than 10 people (including me and the driver) on the bus, when I generally cannot find a free seat. I was the only one who got out on my stop at 7:32, which is one of the three main stops for a university catering to over 23,000 students. 

The bus driver asked me, "Why so lonely?", which of course creeped me out even more, making me for the first time realize, OMFG, I'm actually alone... 

I smiled, managed some sort of answer (which I later realized was wrong, because I should have use the getrennt form of the verb, and it should have been mit Dativ and not mit Akkusativ... so he probably figured I was the dumb blonde who deserved to be murdered) and continued on my way.

I got off at Leibnizstraße 4, like I always do, crossed the street and walked into the Olsenhauserstraße 75 building. It was alone, all lights turned off. Not even the main doorman was there. 

Upon opening the lobby doors to the lecture halls, I stumbled upon a janitor lady. By "stumbled" I mean I shrieked hysterically as soon as I saw her. She scared the bejeezus out of me, and with a freaky laugh said, "Guten Moooooorgen!" and continued to mop, giggling occasionally. 

I hurried my pace - if she was out to kill me, at least I'd make her run for it. I opened yet another set of doors into the lobby of the lecture halls, climbed up the stairs and tried to find my way around, using only the backlight of my BlackBerry - which shuts off every 15 seconds, apparently. That, or it was scared, too. 

I opened the door, and I can swear I heard it "click" on the keep-it-open feature thingy. I turned on all the lights - ALL THE LIGHTS - and found my place right in the middle. Dead center. 

Ha ha. 

Dead center.

At that moment I analyzed what was going on - you know, that little epiphany moment before you are brutally murdered... I was alone on campus. Completely and utterly alone. The lecture hall I was in was for 300 people, and the whole left wall were windows leading to a forest. Although it was almost 8 o'clock in the morning, it was pitch black. Ah, winter in Germany. It could have very well been midnight. I heard a noise. Of course I heard a noise. I think it was my heart exploding, trying to burst out of my chest. At that moment I jerked, turned around, and saw the freakin' door closed. The same door I had "clicked" open. It was closed. 

My murderer was there. 

I texted my friend Bobby (who happens to live more than 8,000 km away and was dead asleep by that time) and told him where I was so that he could lead the search party. He didn't reply...

I hear a noise again. Door closed. Something moving in the woods outside. Looking at me. Watching me. Waiting. Waiting...

*  *  *  *  *  

10 hours later, Bobby sent this message:

You entered a parallel twilight universe set in limbo where only the souls of the restless dead wander about...

His brilliance made me realize my murder would have made an amazing story. He could have totally written it. And shot it. 

But, his brilliance also made me realize that, oh, yeah, btw, I didn't get murdered.

At least not today...


  1. but why the Uni was soo empty? did you go there on a sunday or a national holiday by mistake? :-)

    cool story btw!

    1. It was Friday, December 23. The whole COUNTRY was empty :-)