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Finding Myself

I'm well aware of all my identities, past and present. I wear them like masks - some, I have even worn like capes. Proudly displaying them for the world to see and admire. I used to believe that I could "put on" one identity and be authentic, and then "put on" another one and still the authentic. And at least in my heart I was authentic. Natalya, the 16-year-old poet was an authentic identity for me; Natalya, the Journalist was a thrilling identity (that came with an official badge and access to many venues and people I would have otherwise not been able to get close to); Natalya, the Foreigner was (and continues to be!) my favorite identity, the one with which I feel most at ease. Perhaps because it is the simplest one, the one that requires the least amount of work from my side: I just happen to not have been born where I live. I have been living with this identity for 22 years. Most recently, Rolfs-Mutter and Christophs-Mama have joined the ranks of my favori

Enough

I woke up at 6 am today. This wasn't early enough.  I got ready for the day. Took my oldest to school, took my youngest to his yearly check-up, then to Kindergarten. Went to work, handled calls and emails and tasks and had only 2 cups of coffee.  All of this wasn't enough. I picked up my children and their friends, served as carpool for one and as "home for the day" for the other. I prepared a balanced, home-cooked meal from scratch, including potatoes that I had harvested with my children a few weeks earlier - which (I also feel is relevant to point out) we had planted a few months earlier. While the kids ate, I unloaded the dishwasher, cleaned the kitchen and finished a load of laundry. And still, this wasn't enough. One kid was picked up for sport, another kid came to replace him. While the children played, I tended to the garden, I checked the mailbox, I picked up after them, I tidied up a bit. Then I took those 3 kids to their sport and picked up 4 new kids t

Challenges

During this peculiar time*, we are all faced with challenges. *I think that I need to clear this up for posterity. Today, we all know that this "peculiar time" refers ro the Coronavirus - COVID-19 Pandemic that is terrorizing the world. Although Germany does not have strict quarantine rules (rather a regulation that prevents gatherings of two or more people not belonging to the same household, both privately and publicly), my husband and I decided that, for the well-being of the family, and since (thanks to my job) I can, I would quarantine with the children at home. Kindergarten (all schools, actually) are closed, so they have to stay home; I have the privilege of being able to work from home, so it all kind of works out. As I write this, I am in my seventh week of quarantine - 45 days.  Before the pandemic and the quarantine, I used to measure my successes (and failures) in years, months perhaps. I say, filled with sadness, that 2019 was the worst year of my life. And a