Monday, November 28, 2011

Dear Santa, send me a maid!

Dear Santa,

I hate being a housewife. I do. I really, really do. And I realize how unorthodox it is to begin a "Dear Santa" letter with a statement of hatred, but I just need for you to understand how important my first world problems are, and thus help me by sending me a maid for Christmas.

If you're going to send THIS maid,
make sure you let me know so that I can send Honey
 far, far away from home during her working hours!

Santa, I hate being a housewife. I love Honey, though he has not yet made me his wife, so maybe I am not technically a housewife - perhaps next year I will ask for a big rock on my ring finger. But look, Santa, look at how pressing this maid issue is: I need a maid more than I need to be legally married!

Santa, God blessed -and simultaneously cursed- me with great attention to detail. Which means that a task (like washing dishes or folding laundry) that would take the average housewife 15 to 20 minutes, takes me 30 to 40 minutes. Because it has to be done just right, it has to be perfect. And since I don't always have the time to invest in mundane tasks (I mean, who needs clean panties anyway?!) because I have to study for my beloved Masters, then I leave the task for later. Or for tomorrow. Or for the day after tomorrow. Or until I have gone commando for two days straight and realize that I really, really need to do laundry.

Santa, my kitchen is dirty and my bathroom has a particular pee-stench that I have been unable to remove. And by "unable to" I of course mean "unwilling to". EW! I don't want to get down on my hands and knees and scrub. I don't want to get my unmanicured hands dirty with detergents and stuff. I don't want to have the smell of latex gloves to avoid the stench of disinfectant.

Santa, I WANT A MAID! And you see, because I am so magnanimous, I am even willing to accept the maid with the bill. I mean, I will pay for his/her services. And I will pay well! I will stop eating Berliners, I will down-size Honey's side of the Christmas Wish List (my Christmas Wish List includes necessary items, such as a black coat and furry shoes. I mean, who can live without those two items?!), and I will pay for the maid.

Santa, I need a maid. Pretty please. That is all that I ask of you this year. I need a maid. I want a maid. This simple little wish will not only help the German economy (I will be incrementing the job market), but it will also help end my first world problems. Which is funny, because I only have this first world problem because I am a third world person, where maids are part of the family.

Santa, a maid. Please.

With love,

--Nat


PS: World Peace and an End to Hunger would be cool, too.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Santa: ¿Did you get this letter? Just in case I´m sending it to you again. If you have trouble deciding if this request should or should not be taken care of, don´t hesitate asking me, I do have the answer, no problem, just call me, ¿you already have my pin right?
    Santa, saludos desde Barranquilla, ese tercer mundo al que Natalya hace referencia, ese mundo donde Carmen y Betisonga de verdad son parte de la familia. Postdata: Estoy de acuerdo con Natalya, maid, world peace y erradicación del hambre harán que esta navidad sea la mejor. Tendré el celular prendido y con pila por si necesitas advise or ¿advice?

    Natalya, mientras que Santa resuelve esta petición puedes simplemente remember "es cuestión de ac-ti-tud".

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