Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Have my cake and eat it too

I don't know why I used that phrase - I hate it, and I'm not sure I quite get it. But I'll give it a try.

Why must we (or is it only me?) have the need to have our cake and eat it too? Why can't we just let the cake be, knowing that the cake is ours. Why must we eat it?

To not make the analogy more complex than it needs to be, why do I want to get married?!

I live with a wonderful guy who loves me, who cooks deliciously, and who pays for all my expenses while in a foreign country (that last bit of information is sadly important, right?). Yes, we live in sin. But for all intents and purposes, we're married. Minus the document from the Holy Church. We do what married couples do: we sleep together (fully clothed, of course, just in case my parents are reading this!), we eat together, we go out together, we don't see other people, we don't behave ourselves inappropriately with other people; we go shopping together, sometimes I even manage to dress in the same colors as he (without him noticing, of course. When he notices, like every normal man, he freaks out!); we brush our teeth together, we cook together (when he cooks; when I cook, he's either not home or playing in his PS3, like any other normal man...); we argue, we quarrel, we sometimes don't talk to each other. We're normal. I think.

Still, I want to get married. When we were just going out, I was convinced that all I needed to be happy, was for him to call me his girlfriend in front of his family. He did this sooner than I expected. After that, I was convinced that all I needed to be happy, was for him to stay with me in my apartment once in a while. He did this later than sooner. After that, I was convinced that all I needed to be happy, was for us to move in together. Now we live together. And guess what? I'm not "happy".

I say "happy" because of course I'm happy. I love this man! And he loves me too. And we have a great life together. He likes being together with a writer and eternal student, and he supports me to the end. What else can a girl ask for?

A girl can ask for a ring. Because now I am convinced that, all I need to be happy, is for him to propose.

Funny, right?

Funny, because all I want is a document. A piece of paper issued by an institution in which I don't particularly believe, stating that we are committed to each other. Legally, I don't need it. Morally, I don't need it. Ethically, I don't need it. I want it. I want it. And that's the problem. I just can't let good enough be good enough. I have to have my cake and it eat too.


I currently know more happily divorced people than I know happily married people. Not to say I don't know happily married couples - I do. But I know a heck of a lot more unhappily married couples, or happily divorced people. I don't want to be a divorcée. I want to stay with one man for my whole life. And I want to have kids. And I want my kids to grow up with their father, like I did.

So, if anybody out there has a secret cure for ring-anxiety and can send it my way, I'd really appreciate it. Not like I'm in a hurry or anything, since Honey has announced that he has NO PLANS of getting married anytime soon. And the only thing that scares me more than being a Bridezilla, is being a Bridezilla with a guy who has not asked me to be his bride! AGH!

Who knows. In the meantime, I will just lay back and enjoy the wonders of living in sin. Living in sin, yes, but with a guy who loves me, and whom I love. Love can't be that much of a sin, right?


  1. It took us nearly 8 years to get engaged. We of course had a normal relationship before but yes - it feels more serious since i'm wearing this ring. Before i got to know M., i never wanted to get married. For me it was nothing but conversative crap, only good for saving taxes.
    But during the years i changed my opinion and now want to be "part of sth bigger". Officially.
    And i want my children to grow up in it.

    I think: If you are sure (as much as it's possible) you'll never leave your partner, there's nothing bad in marrying. :D

  2. @Meerzeiler: OMG! You're getting married! Herzlichen Glückwunsch!! I think I agree with what you say... all I have to do is wait for MY ring, right? Ha ha!