I once was a writer...

I realize I'm not married yet, and that I am asking for advice well in advance of my real needs. However, last week we experienced a situation that neither of us (my fiancé and I) knew how to handle. Since I do not want to get into the personal details of our lives (I promised Honey I would never do that), I will present the situation as an analogy... We happened to find ourselves, one day, without toothpaste at home. After all the normal bickering (Honey: How can you NOT notice that we are running out of toothpaste? You know all you have to do is ask for money and I will give it to you so that you can go buy toothpaste!  Me: How do YOU not notice? You brush your teeth daily, just as much as I do, and since you have the money YOU could have gone and bought it... ), we decided to go together to buy the toothpaste. We quickly kissed and made up because it is stupid to quarrel over toothpaste, and it was neither of our faults. I mean, nobody wants to wake up on a Monday morning and ...

There are so many things wrong with that phrase. The first one being, I am not a jelly-filled doughnut, although I do eat so many of them so often, I might as well be. Also, I am more than three hours away from Berlin, so if I were to be some sort of German I would be a Kieler, not a Berliner. And no, "Kieler" is not funny, and no, it does not sound like "Killer". Long and short vowels are there for a reason. In addition to the previously stated, I would never say "Ick", like the famous person said it, nor would I say "Ish", like the foreigners say it. I would use a perfect "Ich", thus actually reinforcing my point: I am a German. I found this out as I was trying to make a point in two different classes last week. In the first class, American 20th Century Short Fiction , I was supporting my claim that there is a European-settler-vs-Indigenous-People trend in Hemingway's "Indian Camp". I mentioned how the doctor, Nick...

I think there is nothing worse in life than being average. That is actually my biggest fear - well, right alongside the crocodiles under my bed finally eating my toes, and the guy sitting in the corner of the living room walking towards me. There are (thank god) no monsters in my closet. No, but seriously: I am terrified of being average! I think it is terrible to get lost in the masses. Especially now that the masses have reached 7 BILLION (and according to the BBC World Citizen Counter I am number four billion six hundred ninety-seven million six hundred and one thousand eight hundred twenty). I mean, we have got to find a way to stand out. But then again, if all us, if all seven billion of us try to stand out, we will, ironically, not. So I guess some, the majority, would have to actively NOT stand out in order for a few of us to do something *special* that will differentiate us (whether positively or negatively is up to each of us) from the rest. It's not easy. And that'...

Today's post is an exception to the normal Monday-publishing schedule because it is part of Blog Action Day 2011. I've always been complicated when it comes to food. People who know me only now (now that I am mature and grand and magnanimous) may *think* I am complicated - but I am the loveliest dinner guest, now that I've grown up. And I have my father to thank (I don't thank my father for many things, so you know this must be important). I believe in the "tough love" theory of upbringing. I believe in it because it works. It's not nice, it's not pretty, and it hurts a little - but it works. I had issues with food all along. I used to eat nothing but chicken. The story goes that we went to the beach one day to eat fish - what else would one eat at the beach? When the waiter offered all the varieties of fish available, I asked about the chicken. He gave me a weird look, but my mother was quick to interrupt: "Yes, please, she will have the chi...

I got good news today. News so good, that I almost forgot that my heart is broken because the owner of the cat took away my cat. News so good that a friend of mine thought I was pregnant - no, not pregnant. Let's hope for a ring before we hope for anything further, yes? So the good news - ready? I finally have the official, signed, sealed and delivered documents that make me a Masters student at the Christian Albrechts Universität zu Kiel. YAY! I get to begin my masters! Finally! Just in case you're wondering, it's called "English and American Literature, Cultures and Media." And it will be amazing. But don't worry - not that you are worrying. I still have to continue with my German course. Some crazy thing about "When in Rome..." Only, for me it is more of a "When in Germany..." thing. And so, because it was my huge dream and all, I ain't allowed to complain no mo' . When it's too cold outside and I must be off to stud...

I know I shouldn't write when I'm bitter - especially when I'm bitter now , today, as I write this, and who knows when you'll read this. And then you'll think, "OMG, what a bitter person!" and that day, the day you read this, might be my most charming day. And you'll have completely missed it. So just trust me on this one: I'm super charming. But right now - right now, I'm kind of glad I am 8,765 km away from the people who I kinda want to hurt for being such careless, self-centered, selfish, mean, evil, stupid people. *Whew* I feel better already. We're all heard the phrase before, If you want something done, you have to do it yourself . I know it exists in English, Spanish, German, and some sort of version in Thai (which I, of course, can no longer pronounce). I bet you have it in your mother tongue as well (that might be interesting: write a comment on how YOU say it!). And we (or I; yes, I. I will take responsibility for myself ...

The Problem with the German language is not the language per se - it's us , those of us who don't speak the language fluently, who think that everything in German is over-complicated... when it actually is quite simple. Like, the food-processer that you more than likely have in your kitchen - what does that actually do? It's a machine that makes food smaller. That's exactly what it's called in German: der Verkleinerer . It's not a machine used to process food, it's a food-smaller-maker. But my issues with the German language go way beyond kitchen devices. I have made a fool of myself many times, with help from no one. While I was in the hospital last year, I kept trying to ask for a nurse who spoke English - even a little bit. The doctors kept telling me that my sick sister would come very soon. Nini (my sister) was in fact sick at that time (something with her eternal flu or something like that), but how did the doctors know that she was sick? And if ...

Everything I see that I like, I add as birthday or Christmas present to my wish list - whichever is closer. So far, my birthday wish-list (29 days and counting...) includes a squirrel, a cat, a dog, a garden, a bird with blue and black feathers (no idea what it's called), a full-grown cherry tree, cherries, strawberries, a liposuction (or better yet, the magical disappearance of my fat), skittles (I added those today, thanks to Irina), and my glallbladder. Yes, I'd like my gallbladder back, please. Honey hears me say that I want something more on my wish-list and gets a little annoyed. He gets that some things are just a joke - or, well, things that I want, but that I don't really want. Like the full-grown cherry tree thingy: seriously? Who wants a full-grown cherry tree in a tiny apartment? I want the cherries, of course; but the cherry-tree is just me being Veruca Salt, you know? Also, mostly, what I really want I purchase for myself, by myself. Because I can. Honey...

In many languages, such as Spanish and German, there is a formal and an informal way to address "you" (second person singular): tu  and usted  in Spanish, and du and Sie  in German, respectively. The problem is, the pronouns for the formal voices are very similar (if not identical) to the pronouns for other voices. Let me make the situation VERY clear with what I did yesterday. In case my teacher is reading this, es tut mir SCHRECKLICH leid, wirklich!! My classmates exasperate me. That's unfair, not all of them do. Actually, only two of my classmates (out of 12) exasperate me. Seriously. I want to hit them sometimes (but physical aggression is illegal here in Germany). They get into these absurd, pointless discussiones with false (and fake) arguments. Tuesday is my least favourite day, and at the very last class (tired, sleepy, hungry and cranky), they got into this discussion: The Police is Singular and Plural. Well, no, the teacher explained: you can't count ...

I miss my friends. I miss them so much. We had fun together, yes; but I have fun with my "German Acquaintances", too. We did stuff together, yes; but I do stuff with my "German Acquaintances", too. We used to talk very often, not to say all the time ; but I talk with my "German Acquaintances" all the time, too. I miss my friends because they get me. I miss my friends because they are like me. You see, I'm a geek. Or a nerd. Or a book-worm. Whatever you wanna call me, I'm that: I'm that girl who always does her homework, just because, well, you should  do your homework. I'm that girl who does her homework in a clean sheet, just in case it needs to be handed in; and I'm that girl who uses colors to emphasize different topics. I'm that girl who takes awesome notes in class. I'm that girl who does not need to study for a test the night before, because she has been studying since the chapter began two weeks ago. I'm that girl ...

It's been 9 months. You'd think by now I'd have an idea of what goes on in the mind of a German when he/she speaks to me... at least by context, you know? But I still make some mistakes that make me question my language skills. A few weeks ago, I went on a road trip with Mr. and Mrs. Siedenburg. It was very nice, I got to know a new part of Germany, and we had a fun time in general. At some point during our road trip, I asked if I could eat the banana I had brought. After my operation, I explained, I must eat every 4 hours; I must not feel hungry. Mrs. Siedenburg said it was OK, but that we would be eating cheap little bread in a little while. "Cheap little bread?", I thought. Well, yes, I know the economy is bad, and I know we should save as much money as possible, and I know I don't have much money... but I can invite - I mean, I can pay for all of us to eat non -cheap, non -little bread. I mean, I don't want to pay 10 Euros for a little bread thin...

The most important part of adpating to a new culture is embracing it, and acting like the natives do. Like, if you live with gorillas, you should pick their skin too and eat their little lice. If you live in a nude community, you should walk about bare. Bare naked, that is. If you live in Germany, well, you have to do as the Germans do. Monkey see, monkey do. For starters, if you want to be German, you have to go outside at the smallest sign of a ray of sunshine. If you want to be German, if the temperature goes above 0°C (and there is the aforementioned sun), you have to go outside. If you want to be German, if there is the tiniest sign of baby flowers blooming (and the aforementioned sun and the aforementioned +0°C rule), you have to go outside. You see, being outside is very important to the Germans. It's very important because you can almost never go outside! According to the Gregorian Calendar (the calendar we westerners follow), Winter goes from December to February. Not ...

Before going into the details of the test, which is what this post really is about, I want to say a word about the test names. What's the deal with test names? Is there an International Test-Naming Committee for international tests that need names, maybe called the InTeNC? Why must we have an IELTS or a TOEFL? Those are tests for non-English speakers, so why must they be given names that even native English speakers have trouble pronouncing? The Test DaF is not difficult to say, but silly. It makes me think of an incomplete Daffy Duck. Anyway. In  a couple of weeks I will be taking the Test DaF - exactly in 14 days. The Test DaF is a test that measures the test-takers' ability in Deutsch (German language) als Fremdsprache (as a foreign language). I'm kinda glad it's named after it's German initials; were it in English, it would be the Test GLaFL. Not the G-L-a-F-L, but the /gla-fl/, all said together, as if it were a word. Like TOEFL is a word: toe, as in a fi...

I've been here for a while now, and more than trying to learn the language, I've been trying to learn how to SPEAK the language. You see, it's one thing to be able to read and listen in German, but it's another thing, a completely different thing, to be able to speak in German. There are certain hints that I've been able to catch up on, and I plan to share them with the world, so that I may be one of many who attempts to speak this verrückte language. Ready? Set? Go! First of all, in order to speak German and sound like a German, you need to lower your voice by like 3 tones. Try to pretend you're making fun of a male Opera or Mariachi singer -- yes, that's how low your voice has to sound. There are a few phrases that require an extreme lowering of your tone: (1) Ja , which means "yes", but when you really, really mean it, it sounds almost like a "yo"--not a rapper-like /yo-oo/, but more like a /yoh/ kinda thingy. (2) Es ist mir egal ...